The Guns of Borderlands 3: A Revolving Journal

After an hour of common trash, the magic happens. I kill a bad-ass skag and find my first love: the Hyperion Hostile Downsizer. This bucktastic bulldozer comes fully augmented with a bayonet, frontal shield, and most importantly, incendiary rounds. Sure, incendiary rounds are everywhere, but what makes this special is how it augments Moze: the gunner class. It’s possible to increase her incendiary potential both passively and after reloading – delighting my inner pyromaniac. The occasional spark evolves to constant immolation – downsizing every enemy to ash.

Now, this gun was a surprise. I never gave pistols much consideration in the prior Borderlands but now that changes. The little wonder packs in the quickness of an SMG with the accuracy of a revolver – allowing for near-constant critical hits. The pistol’s pugnacious precision would be enough to land it on this list but leave it to Gearbox to throw in an extra burst of love. Not content being another Tediore combustible, this gun not only explodes upon reloading but also splits into three homing missiles. Let the body parts rain!  

After finishing the main mission, Cult Following, in the Holy Broadcast Center, I have found another treat. Finishing the side quest Head Case (activated by grabbing the head in the jar found when leaving the center) unlocks one of the game’s best early guns: Brashi’s Dedication. A gun enthusiast’s dream it combines four different shooting styles into two modes. The first is an electric mid-range rifle (think the M14 in Call of Duty) while the second is a corrosive long-range sniper. The versatility of being able to fluidly alter tactics without changing weapons is already delicious, but the varying elemental effects make this a tactical must. I will not be dropping it anytime soon. 

My favorite gun, thus far, graced me during my final mission on Pandora. Both a rifle and SMG this incinerator decimates. Whether it’s scoping a headshot with the semi-automatic mode or eviscerating a badass up close with fully automatic abandon, all who stand against me face hellfire. Leaving Pandora, a fully armed soldier, I’m content. Borderlands 3 has already come through by giving me multiple ways to slaughter, and I’m excited to see what creative weaponry the future holds. 

During my tenure on Pandora, there was one mystical gun that eluded me. Rewarded during the Dump on Dumptruck side-mission (activated by the bounty in Ellie’s garage), the beguilingly named Butt Plug is an easy miss. In order to receive the unique weapon, one must successfully shoot Dumptruck’s bum. As my buddy and I unfortunately learned, this is not simply shooting him in the back. Gearbox demands precise iniquity: you must shoot him DIRECTLY in the butt. The easiest way to do this is to wait for him to shove his posterior in your face. Once you have the all clear, go to town. Upon completing the mission you’ll then receive the reward: a bayonetted pistol. Appropriately, this pistol is rather weak at range but devastating up close. It does double melee damage from behind. Venture forth future proctologists!