This is a mostly spoiler-free review of Disney’s Artemis Fowl, which will be available to stream on Disney+ on Friday, June 12, 2020.
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During this unprecedented year when we find ourselves at home with more time to stream than we’ve ever had before, Disney’s decision to forego the theatrical debut of its latest big-budget offering in favor of a Disney+ release seemed like the opportune thing to do. Sadly, Artemis Fowl is not an enjoyable diversion to take your mind off current events. Director Kenneth Branagh (Thor, Murder on the Orient Express) and writers Conor McPherson and Hamish McColl take Eoin Colfer’s beloved science-fantasy novels and turn them into a lifeless CGI-heavy tale with some very uninteresting characters.
This forgettable narrative centers on young Artemis Fowl (Ferdia Shaw), the son of a criminal mastermind (played by The Batman’s Colin Farrell), who must rescue his father after Artemis learns that he’s being held for ransom by an unknown enemy. The McGuffin in this film is a coveted magical object known as the Aculos, which has the power to open doorways to other universes. Like many of the plotlines throughout the movie, the Aculos is no more than an empty shiny object that adds very little substance to the story.
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One of the films’ biggest issues is its pacing, especially whenever there’s a new character introduced. Even without having read the novels, it feels like Branagh and his team are trying to cram more story than the film’s 95-minute (give or take) runtime will allow. Artemis, for example, is supposed to be our extraordinary hero who we’re told (many times) is an exceptional person who can accomplish any task, but we never really see him do anything remarkable. Besides a brief encounter with Artemis’ therapist where he tries to find out what makes the boy tick, there’s very little time spent learning who Artemis is as a character.
Another of the film’s missed opportunities is the relationship between Artemis and a spirited crime-fighting fairy named Holly Short (Lara McDonnell). Both Holly and Artemis desire to know more about their fathers, but this particular dilemma is never fully explored. For Artemis, he would like to spend more time with his dad, who is always off on the next adventure while his son stays at home, and Holly would like to repair her father’s tarnished reputation. Each of their respective storylines is rushed and the two never form a bond over anything more than simply trying to survive. It seems like you’re supposed to feel a deeper connection between these two that’s never conveyed in the film.
These character development shortcomings extend to most of the supporting cast, including Judi Dench’s Commander Root and even Farrell, who’s more of an afterthought by the second half of the film. There are also some puzzling character choices especially when it comes to how each actor has chosen to vocalize their respective lines. Dench gives her character a raspy voice that would make Christian Bale’s Batman turn his head in admiration. There’s also Josh Gad (also using a grizzled articulation), who plays a “giant dwarf” named Mulch Diggums.
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Surprisingly, but probably not intentionally, Mulch is the most watchable character in the entire film. Unlike his counterparts, who appear to be taking everything in this fantastical world a bit too seriously, Gad is able to imbue his character with plenty of charm, acting as the film’s capable narrator and often welcome comic relief. It’s like he’s the only person aware of what kind of movie he’s actually in.
The few times where Artemis Fowl shows some signs of life is during its action set-pieces that offer some visual eye candy, especially when the “time freeze” device is being used. This time-stopping trinket is employed by the fairies, allowing for frenetic action in the foreground while something like a tidal wave or a wedding is frozen in the background. However, like most of the visual splendors throughout, these sequences never quite raise the stakes for what is an otherwise by-the-numbers adventure.
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Source: IGN.com Artemis Fowl Review