My Policeman Review

My Policeman opens in theaters on Oct. 21, and will stream on Prime Video starting on Nov. 4.

Ello, ello, ello… what’s all this then? My Policeman offers us a glimpse back in time as a British copper (Harry Styles) falls in love with another man at a time when homosexuality was still illegal. Throw in a marriage of convenience and it sounds fascinating, doesn’t it? Sure, the premise is intriguing, but the execution is, plainly, just not very good..

Based on the 2012 novel by Bethan Roberts, My Policeman should hit all the right notes. The subject is interesting, and it sounds as though it should have a lot to say… but director Michael Grandage has a knack for diffusing the sexual tension and sapping every scene of its potential. And that’s before we get to Harry Styles…

PC Tom Burgess is an ordinary copper in 1950s Brighton, who happens to fall in love with museum curator Patrick Hazelwood (David Dawson). Since being gay is still illegal at the time, Tom hatches a cunning plan to marry the young Marion Taylor (Emma Corrin). I mean, what could go wrong? The story is, in fact, set in two time periods – one back in the ‘50s while the other takes place in contemporary Brighton with Linus Roache, Rupert Everett, and Gina McKee as the older throuple.

Again, it’s an interesting idea, but My Policeman does very little to capitalize upon it. The older trio often feels disconnected from their younger counterparts, and with not much in the way of throughlines between them, there’s just no sense of urgency to their story. Worse still, the subtle performances of the older actors are drowned out by the kicking and screaming of the youngsters… most notably, a clunky, wooden performance from Styles.

He may be a top-class performer when he’s on stage, but here Styles’ lines are delivered with all the conviction of a 10-year-old practicing their lines for the school play. Sure, Tom is supposed to be living a sad life full of restraint, but Styles fails to connect to the material in any meaningful way, and that results in a stumbling, heavy hand with very little empathy at its core. The real crime is that My Policeman could have been so much more.

Thankfully, Dawson pulls out all the stops to create a compelling character I actually wanted to spend more time with. Patrick is vibrant, energetic, playful, and a far more rounded individual than Styles can muster with Tom. Equally, Everett is heartbreaking as the aged Patrick. It’s unfortunate that there’s little to tie the two performances together.

At its heart, My Policeman is a heavy drama about a man struggling to come out as gay, but it’s rendered so inert by its central performance and lack of tension that it comes across as just a bit sad… and not in the way it means to.

There are plenty of sex scenes, and those involving Styles and Corrin are laughably inadequate – and for once, they’re supposed to be. Unfortunately, anyone hoping the film’s other sex scenes would sizzle is going to be sorely disappointed. A few guttural grunts and wide-eyed looks are all Styles can muster.

The result is a deeply unimpressive relationship between Tom and Patrick as Styles blunders his way through an unconvincing script. By sheer coincidence, Styles’ separation from the material actually is a blessing in disguise when it comes to Tom’s relationship with Marion. There’s an emotional distance here that fits a failing relationship between a gay man and his wife of convenience… but it seems more a happy accident borne of Styles’ lack of ability than anything that gives the film real meaning.

Corrin puts in a respectable performance as Marion, too – especially in early scenes when life is fine, and everything is on the up and up. Unfortunately, she doesn’t quite sell the gravity of her situation in later scenes, but that’s actually one of My Policeman’s least-offensive failings.

The biggest crime My Policeman commits is squandering the opportunity to say something meaningful. There’s a lot of juicy material to work with, but Grandage just fails to get the best out of it. A fairly average screenplay by Ron Nyswaner is rendered completely inert by the director’s lack of conviction.

My Policeman is a shockingly sub-par drama that could have been so much more. Its half-hearted almost-commentary fails to grasp the enormity of Tom and Patrick’s situation and instead opts for a far more pedestrian take that doesn’t quite fit the premise. A weirdly framed ending adds nothing to the film, again diffusing any tension in favor of oddly quaint platitudes. Styles does nothing of any worth here, with a strikingly underacted performance that’s frankly laughable. Dawson puts in a great deal of work to get the film up to par, but ultimately, it’s just not really worth it. My Policeman has all the sexual tension of a wet sponge, where instead it should sizzle. Take ‘em away, boys.